Bee in a bottle…

That’s what my head is like today…Imagine how a bumble bee caught in a glass bottle tries to free itself by flying at the walls, and finds not a free egress into the world but a solid barrier. The harder it flies, the harder it bounces off the glass and ends up bruised and disorientated at the bottom on the bottle. No matter what I try, my mind keeps bouncing around and I can’t find peace anywhere.

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16 thoughts on “Bee in a bottle…

    • It passes in the end. Either the bee stops battering or someone lets it out, it stops. Physical action helped me, a bit of housework to give me the sense that I was restoring order… but it only passed when I’d been through the worst of it.

  1. Thank you Viv,

    I decided to write to get it out of my head and realised that it was a weird feeling of guilt for having a day off work!! I sometimes question my own sanity!!!

    I am still in the middle of my post but I am kind of stuck at the moment because as usual it took on a life of it’s own and brought up questions I have no answers to (at least at the moment). I am not even sure it makes any sense to anyone including me.

    Maybe I’ll try to do some housework!

    • Do you have a garden? I find getting my hands mucky helps! Forcing myself to do some filing can help too but sometimes it makes it worse. i spent about three hours yesterday filling in an application for a job, and now I can’t make myself stick it in a envelope and deliver it to the school next door! And I have another to do, too. It winds me up, because I know from experience of this area, the chances are they have someone already lined up for the job near me, and have only advertised because it’s illegal not to… but then if I don’t apply, I don’t stand any chance.
      I’m not working now till next Monday… it’s frustrating having work come in in dribs and drabs because I get out of the habit, and get stressed about going back.
      good luck!

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  3. I don’t have a garden by my flat but have found a little secret garden by the river at the bottom of my street.

    I carried on writing and have just posted it but feel kind of worn out now.

    I know what you mean about spending time to fill in a job application and then subsequently struggle to put it in an envelope! I thought I was the only person who experienced this!

    If you email me the application and the address I will pop it in the post for you 😉

    Bless you

    • Alas, I can’t email it as the sodding form was so poorly put together that you have to type it out and then print it so you can ring the yes/no answers. I would have emailled it otherwise direct to the school. I literally live next door, and I wanted to make absolutely sure it gets there and they can’t pretend they haven’t got it. The last time I emailled them about a job, no-one bothered to answer my email! one of my colleagues at my current job worked there for a while doing the job I am now applying for and hated it. But it’d be 3 times what I earn now, plus all year round, plus the usual massive holidays schools get and I could even do what I do now during the hols. I appreciate the offer, very much
      I think I’m sick of not being recognised for what I am or what I do. I try to not let that eat at me but when you apply for a job that asks for a minimum of three gcses…and know that it’s probably earmarked for a lunchtime supervisor or someone’s sister…I grind my teeth.
      I enjoyed your post by the way; feel free to email me about stuff if you need to.

  4. Bee in a bottle……. how appropriately descriptive. I immediately could understand that of which you speak.

    I don’t feel that way very often anymore; I still do a times, trying to get a quiet mind, that is where my bee lives, in my brain more than in my direct actions. What really helps me to calm it, besides listening to music I most crave at the moment, is walking. I love to walk, and doing that in a beautiful location, and enjoying life is what helps bring the bee some calm.

    • I have ways of dealing with it that usually work but nothing did when I wrote the post, nothing! It felt like it was from beyond me. Over the years I have had various medications for depression but the worst have been the ones that act almost like amphetamines on my system, and I run myself into the ground because I cannot stop… like the line in Paul Simon’s song, She moves on…”She’s like a top, she cannot stop… she moves on”
      Funnily enough next weekend my husband and I are going on an open day for beekeeping, with a view to maybe keeping bees ourselves. I did beekeeping at school (back in the Neolithic it seems now) and loved it. I love bees and will stop and stroke bumble bees and help them if they’re hurt. So the metaphor is even more potent for me…

  5. This too will pass, accept and allow. Quit beating yourself against the sides of the bottle, when you do and opening will appear and you will need your strength and courage to fly through that opening.

    • It is, if you want to put it that way!
      The one I like most is a line from a Johnny Clegg(of Juluka fame) song: “Like the ghost inside the atom that spins it round and round”. Which is pretty cool as that’s as good an explanation to why the atoms spins as any!
      To make you laugh, I came across a money saving list of suggestions, one of which was to fill an old metal cigar tube with angry wasps and so avoid buying an expensive vibrator… you can imagine the rest of the suggestions, can’t you!

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