I have posted this before but I can’t remember where.
I got soaked right through today not so much by the torrential rain as by the cars whizzing through puddles at the side of the road and sending massive sprays of fithy water all over me.
I am deeply weary tonight on all levels. One of my colleagues who I value highly quit today. She quit for the same sort of reasons I would quit were it not for sheer cussedness and determination not to be forced out.
Anyway, those over a certain age in the Uk may remember a brand of bubble baths and soaps called Three Wishes, which was marketted as being something from a fairytale. Mine are from a rather Grimmer Fairytale, I think.
Every time I reach breaking point,
I find that I do not break.
Every time I reach the end of my tether,
I find that the tether is made of elastic.
Every time I think in pain I can’t go on,
I find that somehow against the odds, I do.
Sometimes I wish that I might break,
Shattering into a million relieved fragments,
Sparkling like road-crash diamonds
Both beautiful and horrible at once.
I wish that when I feel that collar
Press and pull my aching throat,
That it would snap, burst asunder
And leave me sprawling on the ground.
And I wish more than anything,
That when I feel I can’t possibly go on,
Tired and worn from trying too hard,
I might be given grace and space to stop.