A return to myself

After recent events and changes, I’ve begun to feel as if I am now able to return to my real self, my old way of being. Now that I am not almost paralysed with despair and banging my head against a metaphorical brick wall, I have sensed the start of a returning creativity.

A few nights ago, I began thinking about the novel I began over a year ago which became stalled and unable to progress. The very first inklings of who the people are began to trickle back into my mind and I started to imagine again, to let a story begin to unfold in my mind.

I’ve really missed this. The difficulty is that I am very tired and still rather under the weather emotionally. I can feel my equilibrium returning but even so, I’m not back to balance at all. I had a sleep this afternoon which was extremely welcome, but it did make me notice just how tired I am. Next week I’m back to teaching a full class; this week I have been teaching one-to-one with an adult. It’s been a nice change but it’s if anything more intense emotionally than having a class of kids. The summer season is drawing to an end. Only a few more weeks and the summer school is over. I’ve got work for three weeks in September, then me and my husband have some time off together. Then I don’t know what will happen workwise.

I’m just looking forward to having some time where I can dream and write and dream some more. In the meantime, I am going to try and get some writing done most days when I can fit it in. I managed to get some done today when I woke up.

The fabric of my work universe was ripped from top to bottom last week and we’re all readjusting to a new environment and it’s much better but for me, I need to see the events of the last 18 months (which is how long the work problems have been going on for me ) as food for thought and food for possible stories, and I need to let them sink in deeply and let my unconscious work with them.

It’ll be interesting to see what it makes of them over time. I’ll keep you informed!

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8 thoughts on “A return to myself

  1. Can’t wait to read whatever story emerges from the past 18 months. More importantly, I am so delighted that the despair and worry of that place is now over..

    • I strongly suspect that more than one bit of story may come from this.
      I was talking with my other half(husband, not my alter ego!) while out with the dog and saying how I hadn’t realised quite how damaging this has all been to me on a very deep level and how odd it is to have things change. I’d been a frog in increasingly hot water. Thankfully I didn’t end as frog soup!
      Thank you for all the love and support!

      • I am glad you didn’t end up as frog soup! Often it takes hindsight to realise the effect of things like this. I am so happy and pleased that things have changed for the better.
        The love and support is endless!

      • I have a feeling I may one day write a book called Frog Soup. It has a certain ring to it doesn’t it?
        On Sunday I am doing yet another trip to St. Pancras but I am feeling a little apprehensive as the leader I am meeting was “in” with the goblins and I don’t know how she feels about what happened.
        I’m going to finish my cuppa and go to bed for a few hours now!

  2. looking forward to reading your writings.
    Hope your 3 weeks September work is stress free and you and your other half enjoy the break.

    Good luck for future work

    • I’m sooooooo tired though. I may have a chance to do some writing tonight after I’ve got my lessons sorted for tomorrow but a lot of me wants to adjourn to the garden and watch for the Pleiades shooting stars with a glass of wine and candles and some joss sticks to keep the mozzies off.
      I’m off tomorrow afternoon and Friday afternoon and wonder of wonders, I have Saturday off too. I’m planning on taking a sleeping tablet on Friday evening and just not getting up until I want to on saturday!

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