Time travel

You can’t change the past.

But you can change how you feel about it. I discovered this almost by accident some years ago, during a meditation.

To be honest the meditation was one where I lost focus fell asleep and started dreaming. The dream was more of a nightmare as I let myself slip into a time of my life I really hate remembering.

My first year at university was the worst year of my life so far. Last year at work came a very close second but at least last year it was only in the professional area of my life that things were hard. My first year at university just about everything was bad.

I found myself in the dream looking down at my eighteen year old self as she sat crosslegged on her bed in the hall of residence, late at night, crying bitterly. Usually when I dream I am the dreamer. This time I was an observer, floating high above my younger self, detached and strangely compassionate. I wanted to communicate with myself and tell myself things would change and I would get through the whole silly mess I was in. I think I tried to touch myself and the figure on the bed looked up. The lights in the room were blazing. I had had a lot of trouble and had begun to be very scared of the dark, though don’t ask what I was scared of. That’s another story. I even slept with the lights on back then.

The weird thing is this was now a lucid dream. I was fully aware I was dreaming and yet, there was something incredibly real about the whole thing. I found I remembered that evening, remembered a comforting presence being in the room, though not being able to hear what was said.

The dream lost focus and I woke up.

I found that I felt totally different about that time; I felt that whether or not I did actually visit and comfort my old self, the comfort had come through. Time and the mind are very odd things.

I’ve done this in waking meditations now. It takes a fair bit of effort to stay focussed and having another person talk one through would surely be a help too.

“You can’t change the past but you can change how you feel about it”

……or perhaps you can change it, subtly.

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4 thoughts on “Time travel

  1. I think maybe you changed YOUR past not The past.
    anyway this is really interesting stuff and powerful.

    I want to back to my 17 year old and tell him all the good things God had in store for him but I dont think he would listen hardheaded emo that he is/was.
    If I do go back I am taking some gas cans and cigar money!

    • I’ve worked with the idea of shamanic soul retrieval (the idea that at traumatic times of our lives(and believe me I have had many) we fracture off a piece of our soul and hide it in another reality) for many years and slowly some parts of me are coming home of their own accord, like frightened pets that know it’s safe to come home again.
      My first year at university nearly got me killed about three times. That’s a lot of trauma.
      I’d take a motorbike chain and some kung fu skills to my 18 year old self….

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