Pied Piper of Hamelin(alternative version)

 

To understand the following, you need to click the link below. I highly recommend this blog anyway!

http://shafali.wordpress.com/2010/04/23/story-writing-contest-competition-tell-the-story-in-the-caricature-the-man-and-the-rat/

The real nature of the true Pied Piper of Hamelin was revealed by the final trick of  the piper when the mayor refused to pay him what he was owed. Stealing children was far from his only crime, however, and what he intended to do with them later is not for the faint hearted. To understand this criminal mastermind you must go further back, to the plague of rats.

You see, the rats were not ordinary rats at all; they were trained rats, and Balthazar, the king of the rats, was as mean and nasty as the Piper himself.  But the Piper underestimated the intelligence of Balthazar….

“You didn’t get the lame kid? I want the lame kid!” snarled the Piper. “He’s the major’s wife’s nephew and will bring the biggest ransom.”

“Boss, the boy couldn’t keep up with the others,” Balthazar squeaked. “We’ll get a good sum from the slavers. A kid with a bum leg ain’t gonna sell.”

 Just then, another rat came in.

 “Sorry boss, I gots bad news,” he said. “The kids have got away. They stomped the guards as soon as the hypnosis wore off and they’ve got out the mountain and down into the next valley.” 

Balthazar stopped his ears to the rage of his master and slipped away unseen, following the tiny rat sized tunnels to where he emerged in the dark valley where a hoard of children waited.

“OK kids,” he said. “Beat it; make new lives for yourselves over here. Say you’re orphans and your orphanage burned down.”

Still in a posthypnotic haze, the children disappeared down the hill and dispersed all over the countryside. Balthazar turned to the boy with the crutches.

“OK, then, Hopalong,” he said. “Tell me about this rich uncle of yours and how we can sting him for more money than the Piper can dream of…”

(with apologies to Terry Pratchett.)

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7 thoughts on “Pied Piper of Hamelin(alternative version)

  1. Beautiful! So the Pied Piper & Balthazar it is:) I laughed and laughed – it must be a new experience for the Piper to have been taken by a rat:)

    And Balthazar’s attitude reflects so clearly in the expression of the rat…or the vice-versa!

    Viv, you are a wonderful writer. I expected it to be a huge challenge – even for the pros. That’s why I wasn’t surprised when most of my writer audience decided to give the post a miss:)

    But I do look forward to some more stories from those courageous writers out there.

    Thanks Viv. It was an excellent read:)

    Warm Regards,
    Shafali

    • I enjoyed writing it but I think I ought to be disqualified as the basic idea of the piper and the rats being in on it together was borrowed from Maurice and his amazing educated rodents by Terry Pratchett, though the rest is original.
      Hope to read more from others soon!
      xx

  2. Hi Ms. Viv,

    Lovely story:) Didn’t they have dogs in Hamelin? I tried to find out (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pied_Piper_of_Hamelin)…seems the town didn’t have either dogs or cats – and so this piper guy had a good opportunity to fleece the town people!

    Dogs and Cats help you keep your house clean of vermin – and as Buddy proved, they can also help in many other humanly impossible ways. Do check it out on my blog. I am trying to motivate you-know-who into making some good posts on my blog too…(She’s such a selfish witch – she made that story-contest post behind my tail.)

    Now I need to go and check – Cameo’s gone downstairs – I am sure he’s feeding that street-dog…

    Licks n wags to you and Holly, and a friendly growl to the cats!

    Oorvi

    • going over now, Oorvi. My cats are not great hunters but previous ones were. I am aiming to write another post that will make Mercruy laugh, about my cat Watson!
      xx
      *have a treat*
      xx

  3. Hi Viv,
    Congratulations on your story! I’m amazed at how quickly and skillfully you were able to come up with it. Well done.
    XXX

    • Thank you, but as I said, I cheated very, very slightly and had some inspiration from Terry Pratchett’s Maurice and His Amazing Educated Rodents.. which is a good read if you ever need something light, amusing and deep all at the same time….
      I expect to be disqualified!

  4. Pingback: Winners of the Storytelling Contest – April 2010. « Shafali's Caricatures

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